In
a new videotape broadcast today on the Arabic-language Al-Jazeera
network, terror mastermind Osama bin Laden named fallen terrorist Abu
Musab al-Zarqawi Al-Qaeda’s “Employee of the Month” for June.
In
the tape, in which Mr. bin Laden is shown holding the terror network’s
“Employee of the Month” plaque and then hanging it up on the wall of
his cave, the Al-Qaeda kingpin had high words of praise for Mr.
al-Zarqawi, who was killed two weeks ago by a five-hundred pound bomb.
“Abu
Musab al-Zarqawi worked well with others, and always kept his work area
clean,” Mr. bin Laden said. “For this, I hereby name him Al-Qaeda’s
Employee of the Month for June.”
Intelligence sources believe
that by posthumously bestowing the “Employee of the Month” award upon
the deceased terrorist, Mr. bin Laden may be trying to entice other
madmen to assume Mr. al-Zarqawi’s position as number three man in
al-Qaeda, a job whose previous occupants have been captured, imprisoned
or killed.
But “easier said then done,” says Hassan El-Medfaai,
head of al-Qaeda’s human resources department and the man responsible
for recruiting future number threes.
“Back in the day, when I
would interview prospective terrorists, all they wanted to talk about
was jihad,” says Mr. El-Medfaai. “Now they’re asking a lot about
benefits.”
“Seventy-two virgins won’t seal the deal anymore,” he says. “These guys all want dental.”
Elsewhere,
Microsoft founder Bill Gates announced that he would be stepping down
from his day-to-day responsibilities at the company, saying that he
wanted to spend more time with his money.
